Monday, January 09, 2006

2005 Darwin Award Winners

> > They just seem to get better every year... Amazing; there truly are
> > no limits to stupidity! You know, there's some really stupid people
> > in this world.... Yes, these are all true. They are finally out
> > again. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene
> > pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
> > extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who
> > was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he
> > was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this
> > year in reverse order are:
> >
> > ******
> >
> > 7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
> > cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
> > gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
> > and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting
> > explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his
> > sister.
> >
> > *******
> >
> > 6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
> > died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'
> > 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt,
> > white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It
> > appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look.
> > He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter
> > canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other
> > end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx.
> > 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into
> > his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his
> > suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances
> > of his death to his Family very awkward.
> >
> > ********
> >
> > 5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
> > altitude When another plane approached. It appears that they
> > decided to moon the Occupants of the other plane, but lost control
> > of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the
> > wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
> >
> > ********
> >
> > 4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after
> > he Tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot
> > railroad trestle.Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a
> > fast-food worker, taped a bunch of These straps together, wrapped
> > one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at
> > Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.Warren Carmichael,
> > a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was Alone
> > because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
> > Assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
> > ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
> > "Major trauma."
> >
> > *****
> >
> > 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
> > and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as
> > a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
> > hospitalized.
> >
> > *******
> >
> > 2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
> > smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
> > extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
> > etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
> > the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they
> > found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
> > frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described
> > the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
> > retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
> > operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
> > exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
> > found of the technicians,but the lighter was virtually untouched by
> > the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had
> > never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers. AND THE WINNER.....
> >
> > *******
> >
> > 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
> > Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local
> > golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
> > bad mix, Sanchez Managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his
> > scrotum in the machine. Much To his dismay, one of his buddies
> > upped the ante by spinning the crank on The machine with Sanchez's
> > scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in The mechanism.
> > Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, Collapsed
> > and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height
> > of The ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than
> > his Testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the
> > weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall,
> > and one testicle was plucked From him forever and remained in the
> > ball washer, while the other testicle Was compressed and flattened
> > as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the
> > rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
> > new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop,and
> > was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital
> > for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the
> > course. NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the
> > idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of
> > his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home